Back to Life, Back to Reality

Whenever a vacation ends, the Soul II Soul song “Back to Life” pops in my mind (NB: I never saw the music video for it until I Googled it right now, and it’s AMAZING 90s). So, my “vacation” has come to an end. Maternity leave was sweet for the most part. October & November were priceless. December, I could have done without you and your drama. It’s January now, and I’m slowly, slowly come to the realization that in 12 hours I’ll be getting dressed (what, no maternity pants at work?!), packing toor dal’s bags for the nanny, eating breakfast, nursing, changing a diaper, taking my vitamins, and getting out the door in one piece.

As anxiety has creeped in these past days, I’ve had a few fleeting thoughts of working from home or even NOT working! Dreaming of staying at home and doing work, playing with toor dal, taking Chandi (our lovely Jack Russell Terrier) for her afternoon walks, cooking, and keeping the house relatively clean & organized are….dreams. Yet, when I awake and analyze said dream, I realize that a) I wouldn’t be happy in that reality and b) it sounds like a lot of work.

While working out today, I listened to the Harvard Business Review’s IDEAcast. I’m a super nerd when it comes to these podcasts around management, leadership, and revolutionizing one’s productivity and ideas. And by chance, I clicked on “Breaking the Work/Life Deadlock.” The title got me and I wanted to hear more. I pressed play, pressed start on the treadmill, and was delighted to hear about research on women in the workplace. I don’t want to spill the beans about this 20 minute interview because I think you should listen to it. But, I will say that it has solidified my desire to work. As toor dal grows up, I do want her to look up to me, like I do with my mom, and see that working provides financial and mental freedom that I can’t get at home.

And, after that podcast, listen to “How To Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions” by Peter Bregman. One piece of advice that I’m taking from him is to make sure that when I’m at home, I’m at home and not on my smartphone, iPad, computer and pretending to spend quality time with toor dal. I don’t want her to think that a 2×2 screen is more important than her smile, yells, and babble.

Even though I go back to work tomorrow and am happy with that decision, I’m anxious. Will I survive? How messy will the house get? Will the nanny treat toor dal with love and patience like she’s been used to these past three, almost four, months? Will I get sleep?

What advice do you have for me in this transition?

 

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3 thoughts on “Back to Life, Back to Reality

  1. Maya says:

    So happy you’re blogging again, Ammahood! (I resisted the urge to call you “Amma ;).

    You’ve vetted the nanny, and Toor Dal (love that moniker) will be fine. She’ll get lots of attention from a fresh someone who isn’t tired, then she’ll have you for dinner, and snuggling, and play, and lullabies.

    Will *you* be fine? Good vibes for tomorrow!

  2. beastmomma says:

    I am so glad that I *finally* figured out that this is your blog. I do not have any advice except to say to be patient and kind to yourself. I agree with Maya that it is good for Toor Dal to be with someone who is not tired and you will also be able to be more present with her when you are home. I am cheering for you!!

  3. […] did lose my job after coming back from a 3 month hiatus in one state to my resident state. Remember how anxious I was to start? And now…and now it ended abruptly after being back for four days. So, […]

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